Oh wait. No. There it is. Someone must have put it back right when I said that.
I better make sure everything is still in there. Hmmmm. There's my box of paperclips. Why do I even have those? I wish I had a magnet. Paperclips and magnets make for thrity seconds of joy that can't be matched.
Look at these stupid-ass pencils! Ha ha! Those things are so grade school. They're for people who make mistakes. I have no use for them. Or do I? Here's a pencil sharpener. For those of you who don't know, a pencil sharpener is a device that is used to hone a pointy tip on the end of a pencil opposite the eraser. And if you're wondering, the eraser is the rubbery thing on one end of a pencil that you use when you need to remove incorrect math or delete curse words. I could fashion some sort of missle out of these pencils and they might stick in the ceiling. That could be entertaining.
Here's a business card . Look at this guy. What an idiot! Neuroscientist? What kind of job is that? Guess he should have gone to college. Dr. Robert Gingham, you are a failure! And you're tie is ridiculous.
Ah ha! My letter opener. I have always wondered why they call it that. Usually things are named more practically. I would think they could have gone with something that gives a better indication of what the thing is used for. For instance, they could have called it a nearly useless knife, an oversized tooth pick, or a.......wait a minute! There's a magnet! Where'd those paperclips go? There they are. Excuse me for thiry seconds.
I'm back! Completely theraputic, that was.
What else do I have in here. I thought I had some vodka but all I see is whiskey and pot. I mean, oregano.
Who took my waffles? I had a whole box of waffles in here and they're gone! Oh well. I left the syrup in my other pants anyway.
The next person who gives me a shitty promotional pen is getting a nearly useless knife in the eyeball. Geez! I must have four to five hundred thousand of these things. Value Insurance, Drake Home Remodeling, Harold's Discount Smoke Shop, and here is good one: Primo Pens and Promotional Items. I'm calling these people later. Going to tell them to come and look at the hell they created in my life.
Well now I'm shocked! I thought for sure someone would have stolen this picture of some goody-looking couple and the ugly kids with a bunch of teeth.
Oops. Not my desk. Gotta go.