Just a quick announcement:
You may have noticed our coupon in your local paper over the past four years, but we doubt it. Since no one has actually cashed one in, we're pretty sure you've missed them. We've been offering a "buy one get one" deal on our experimental IQ-enhancing herbal supplement and X-ray vision defense tablets. No takers. Sooooo, this month only, triple coupon values!! Don't miss it. Buy three get three free!!
Please keep in mind that, like most coupons, the time it takes to find the thing, cut it out, and drive around town finding someone that stocks the product, is far more trouble than the coupon is worth. In addition, you'll have to cut through a better coupon on the back of ours, therefore voiding something you wanted much more. For example, this week in Topeka, the deal on the back of our coupon was for 75 cents off Charmin toilet paper eight-pack. In Reno, half price moonshine. Guarantee no one's gonna cut that in half to cash in our stupid deal for a stupid product that kills four out of four stupid laboratory animals that try the stupid stuff. I don't get it. Have you noticed how easily it seems lab mice get sick and die? It's craziness. They have to be the most unhealthy creatures on earth. Maybe we should start experimenting on a more hearty animals, like Zebras or Rugby players.
