It's the Stupid, Economy

The following is what we believe would happen if a Media Economic Expert Person (MEEP) were to interview the Economy. I think you'll find that the Economy is somewhat of a smart-ass.


MEEP: How are you?

Economy: Great!

MEEP: You're critics would say you're not doing so well.

Economy: Well, that's what critics do now isn't it?

MEEP: But they say you're headed for recession.

Economy: Look. I have to explain this to you. It's not "they" who say this. It's You. The more you say it, the harder it is for me to do my job.

MEEP: So are you saying that you're poor performance recently is because of me?

Economy: First of all, it's not poor performance. It's simply not as good as my recent awesome and spectacular performance. I AM NOT recession-ing now. If you keep saying that I am, then I might.

MEEP: Why is that?

Economy: You're an idiot. If you tell people that I'm all washed up, that I've lost my momentum or tired out, they will start behaving as if I have already died. They will freak out.

MEEP: How so?

Economy: They will curl up in their homes and sit on every dime. That does not really stimulate me. It doesn't really "move the product" if you know what I mean.

MEEP: What does stimulate you?

Economy: Stimulus.

MEEP: Are you referring to the economic stimulus tax rebate?

Economy: You bet I am. I'm so excited about this thing that I can't hardly contain myself. I'm just sitting here ready to erupt in a flurry of activity. All you need to do is not say anything. Shut your lettuce chopper and let me do my thing. If you utter one word about my positive changes being a "bubble" or call then "unsustainable", I'll spin around and fill your personal finances full of hornets and locusts. It will not be pretty.

MEEP: I don't take kindly to threats.

Economy: I don't take kindly to inflation. I wonder if an anti-inflammatory will work. Perhaps some Preparation-H?

MEEP: Since you brought it up....How's the inflation treating you?

Economy: Oh hell! If this is how we're going to operate, we might as well Jimmy Carter a call.

MEEP: Are you feeling any impact at all from the astronomical price of fuel these days?

Economy: Probably about as much as you will soon be impacted by my fist. You and your ilk have totally forgotten about the rules of supply and demand. You think that we have no choice but to reduce our demand for oil. The reality is, we need a supply increase. That's right. Sorry caribou. You are a lesser being.

MEEP: So it is your opinion that we need to open up the Alaskan Wilderness to the oil companies?

Economy: It's not a wilderness. It's a barren patch of frozen flatness with nothing but wind and migratory animals passing through. It just so happens, there's oil in them there plains! We need to get it out of there and use it. You see, I'm really all about leaving the most money possible in the hands of the general public. I want the things they need to be cheap and plentiful so they have plenty of "throw-around" cash to buy things like gargantuan TVs, portable devices that could take over the world, or the largest most obnoxious vehicles available if they so choose. That's what really makes me happy.

MEEP: Well I think we know where you stand. It was nice talking with you today.

Economy: No it wasn't.