At this time I would like to announce some personnel changes:
The position of Director of Spork and Bendy-straw Supply and Demand Monitoring has been filled. Congratulations Wynnie Shoop, on your promotion.
Since we like to promote from within (we believe in "coaching up, or coaching out") the position vacated by Wynnie will now be filled by Samuel Sams. Congrats "Sam squared" on becoming the new Regional Ambassador to Those Afflicted with Tonsillitis.
Finally, to fill Sam's vacated position, a new hire from the outside, Shiny Bitch is now the new Coordinator of the Properties of Atomic Particles in a Vacuum. We all need to help Shiny as she takes on this very important role with the company. Her job not only helps keep us at the top of our industry, but it helps assure that the laws of physics do not suddenly change and cause us all to become specks of dust in geosynchronous orbit around the hole that used to be the earth.
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