Saturday, July 21, 2012

How To Not Exist

Once you've done it, it's very difficult to undo, but still....everyone does it. And every thing, for that matter. There is nothing on earth that doesn't exist, (except this company).

Sure, critics will say that dinosaurs don't exist. But they did! They fall under the category of "things that no longer exist", along with the mastodon, the Mayans, and good customer service.

Some will also say ghosts don't exist, or unicorns don't exist, or whatever but they are incorrect and here's why: because I've seen these things. That makes it impossible for them to not exist. It follows the universal law of existence which states: that which does not exist cannot also exist.

If you think about that too long your brain will completely die for a couple of seconds. Look at it. THAT which does not exist??? What is THAT? And what is IS? If it is, then it exists. Something either IS or it IS NOT.

Wait a minute! I've one hundred percent confused myself.

Indians no longer exist. (I mean the kind with all the feathers and face paint, not the hotel owners and tech support people).That's a shame because if anyone could explain what i'm saying it would be an indian. I'm picturing the guy with the big head dress sitting with his legs crossed and tucked under each other (there's a name for that style of sitting but it escapes me). In my vision, he's sitting by a fire and smoking a bitchin' nine-foot pipe. With his face lit softly by the flickering glow and gentle whisps of smoke dancing around his ridiculous hat, he would probably ponder for a bit before smugly saying something like "the sun does not shine on a hawk's wing without permission, and things in the shadows are weeping". And then I would say "that makes absolutely no sense". And he would kill me with a sharp rock.

I'm just gonna go ahead and forget about trying to teach you how to not exist. As you can see, it is quite complex and there is a very good chance that you would accidentally cause your own cerebral aneurism.

Unless, the answer lies within these words. Seek understanding of this message. You won't find it. It doesn't exist. It is not. So there it is.