Gift Ideas for People Who Don't Need Gifts

We all have those people in our lives who seem to have everything.  We often struggle this time of year to come up with a gift for these people.  We squint our brains, for lack of a better term, to peer into their lives, trying to find something we can offer that would be of use or have some sentimental meaning to them. At the very least we hope to get an honest "Thanks" or "Oh that's....interesting".

As one of those people, I feel qualified to provide suggestions on what you might get me, or them, as a gift this Christmas. Here is a short list that I came up with in twelve seconds:

1) $1,000,000:  As a general rule, they won't complain.  

2) A Donald Trump campaign tee shirt autographed by Hillary Clinton.  Unique. Original.  One of a kind.

3) A miniature elephant.  One that is genetically engineered to grow no larger than a typical house cat.  Because cute.

4) True Love.  You'll have to get creative here.  Maybe you can order it online, probably from an Asian country.  The shelf life isn't the best but at least when it leaves it will only take half of their stuff.

5) A set of good knives.

And for some bonus tips on delivering these gifts; if you are mailing them please don't send $1M cash.  A VISA gift card is more secure and fits nicely in the envelope.  You can mail the tee shirt, it's fine.  Send the elephant via FedEx 2nd day air but starve it for two days prior so it doesn't mess in the box.  True love is best delivered in person and so are the knives.  

Peace on Earth!