February 21, 2008 (Always use this date, regardless of the actual date)
Crock, Inc.
Human Resources Department # (Input Dept. number, we have six HR departments)
(Address)(The six departments are in six different buildings, in three countries, four states, and one province)
Attention: (Name of Assigned Agent)
RE: (name of applicant)
Dear Sir or Madam (Choose one based on the gender of your assigned agent. If it's Chris, just take a guess);
Type your reference letter here. Please send nine original signed and notarized copies in separate envelopes. Please limit your letter to one page. Letters submitted with two or more pages will be translated by people who read everything as the opposite of what is actually says, and also upside down.
Please cover the following topics:
1) How long have you known the applicant and what is the nature of your relationship – business, neighbor, friend, lover, supplier, pimp, etc.
2) Applicants work ethic and attitude towards mold spores, asbestos, money laundering and paid vacations.
3) Applicants ability to keep his/her mouth shut when ordered to do so.
4) Applicants strengths and weaknesses in high pressure situations, possibly involving police and lawyers.
5) Why you believe the applicant would be right for the position of Sales Representative? (use this position title for all positions please)
Suck it Hard, (we DO NOT want you to use “Sincerely” as your closing)
Your Name
(Signature)
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