Low-Hanging Chandaliers (and Other Problems Pygmies Don't Have)

I have this chandelier in my office. It was given to me by Robert Mugabe, the President of Zimbabwe in 1991 as a token of his appreciation for my contribution of clean socks to be worn by Amos Midzi, his Minister of Mines. (Amos hadn't changed socks for like three days). It is a truly magnificent addition to the decor of the office. There's just the one problem; I keep knocking myself senseless while jazzercizing my way around the room when on the phone (some people pace, I jazzercize).

Earlier today, when I bipped my forehead on the thing again, a thought occurred to me. I bet the Pygmy People never had this problem.

I intercommed Sue and had her check the database to see if we have any Pygmies working for us. I wanted to speak directly to a real live Pygmy and find out. Call it a little social experiment of my own. I have a theory that being a Pygmy has many benefits that are often overlooked in the debate about Pygmy equality. Our politicians and civil-rights leaders will never admit that Pygmies don't bump their heads on low-hanging chandeliers. They won't admit that being able to pass ones self off as a hobbit has great advantages. (Like second breakfasts). You won't hear them tell you that pygmies get most of their meals off of the kids menu and get in free to many places when they hang out with the "tall people". Plus, I've tried, I can't pull off the Sour Patch Kids routine, but I bet a Pygmy could!





Getting carded for cigarettes (most pygmies are smokers) and not being able to get on some amusement park rides can't be all that bad. They can squeeze themselves into the smallest of spaces, which is useful in rescuing rescue dogs who get stuck in small spaces where regular-sized people have gotten stuck and are in need of rescue. Also, they get to go through life with an excuse for sub-par performance , what with the tiny brains and all.

Anyway, Sue found that we have not had a Pygmy associate since records have been kept. Hopefully we are not in violation of any affirmative action laws. I may never be able to prove my theory. Who knows?

But I did find this information.