Have You Checked the Government's Credit Score Lately?

I have. It's not good. I'm starting to rethink my lending practices.

When I started paying into the social security system, I checked a few references and made Uncle Sam fill out a net worth statement. I weighed the government's debt-to-income ratio. I even pulled Equifax AND TransUnion reports on them. It wasn't good then, but I ignored it in the interest of fairness. I mean, doesn't everyone have the right to take money directly out of mypaycheck and use it for whatever they wish?

Now, however, in the wake of a lending crunch (tater chips), I'm cancelling the open line of credit I've extended to the feds. I'm fairly certain that I'm not going to get my money back voluntarily.

As the incredibly talented (and young, and handsome, and intelligent, and modest) CEO of an uber-successful fake corporation, you can imagine how much money I actually bring home. Well, that may not be true. It is an obscene and possibly unfathomable number. Not to mention, I have been skimming some off the top for years now, plus, I have a massive "golden parachute" and a stock portfolio that could choke a big fat stock portfolio eater. Over the course of my illustrious career, $1(insert a whole bunch of zeros) has been seized from my paychecks for my government-mandated government-managed retirement account also know as "social security".

Since I make sick money, and since the government has already spent what they confiscated from me, I'll never see a dime of it back. Where I come from, that's called "default". The government is a deadbeat street thief. It's time to cut them loose and call in the note.

I've already sent three letters. One letter was a "friendly reminder" stating that " perhaps you have overlooked your bill" and asking them to "please call my office to make payment arrangements". No response. Another was a bit more stern. Something like "your account is past due" and "if your payment is not submitted within ten business days, your account may be reported to credit agencies". No response. The third letter was very brief; "Your refusal to respond has left me no choice but to pursue action against your physical well-being". I'm sending Veto and Murray out the Washington to break some legs.

I can't even get them to give me some lame excuse. Hey governement! See this for some good excuses.