Token People: The Guy Who Comes to Work in the Morning Thinking About Lunch and How to Get Involved With Yours

As promised, our second installment of Token People.

You know him. Every office has one. It's 8:02am and he's hovering over your desk asking "What are we doing for lunch today?". Obviously already incorrectly assuming that you want to spend lunch hour with him because you did one time last year. He's the guy who comes to work in the morning thinking about lunch and how he can get involved with yours.

When you tell him you're "brown-baggin' it today" or that you're working through lunch, he acts as though you showed some sign of interest in letting him choose the venue for the two of you to have a sit down meal and chat. He'll respond "I was thinking ribs! We could go to Pappy's and get some of those ribs. They have a special on the honey habenero baby backs. Doesn't that sound good? Some ribs? Maybe some cole slaw and baked beans? Whatdya say?" (now he is ordering for you too)

You restrain the urge for violence and repeat "Not today. I really gotta catch up during lunch.".

He'll turn on the charm. "Come on man!", he"ll say. "Are you some kind of weirdo? Who would rather work than eat some ribs? That's crazy! Besides, I wanted to use this coupon before it expires."

Once again you respond, "Not today."

He will then resort to the classic "I'll drive!" as if that somehow increases the value of his proposition since Pappy's is downstairs in your building.

You'll refuse again and he might mutter something else about ribs as he walks away. But it isn't over! No no. He'll check with you at least three more times before noon. You'll politely refuse each time.

Come noon, just when you are settling in at your desk with your PB&J, tiny bag of Sun Chips, and chocolate pudding cup, he'll come strolling in with a Styrofoam container full of ribs, beans, and slaw. He'll slap it down on your desk, pull up a chair and say "I thought I'd keep your company since you're staying in for lunch. You're not busy are you? Is that chocolate pudding?"

He won't hear your angered response over the sound of his open-mouth chewing and the story of his weekend yardwork escapades already in progress. Bits of food will escape his mouth while he talks and find their way onto your paperwork and keyboard. The funnier he thinks his story is, the larger the bits become. Once he gets to the part where he accidentally caught the rose bush with the weed eater you might expect to find a couple of gently-used rib bones sailing your direction. As if that's not enough to keep the experience firmly etched in your memory, later, when you look in the mirror, you'll get another reminder...one lone perfectly intact baked bean sitting proudly upon your chin.

Gotta go vomit now.