Fishing Lessons

So I watched both the DNC and the RNC. I studied and followed the coverage on the liberal networks and the normal one too (and even on the radio, shut your mouth).

I see one distinct difference between the platforms that is being overlooked, and has been since the democrat party rose from the primordial ooze and charged the other invertebrates a tax for breathing too much air. Without whipping it out and/or slapping your face with it or making any kind of big deal about it at all, I will tell you what it is. Obviously, I'm assuming you cannot figure this out for yourself, I shall hint your ass.

Here it is, in a nutshell (Macadamia, no...no..., filbert. That's it. Filbert.) Well, wait, I can sum it up with this old ecclesiastical proverb psalm: If you give a man a fish, you feed him for a day. If you teach a man to fish, you feed him for life.

Can you decipher the hidden message? Can you figure out what I'm talking about? Can you dig it?

Fishing Lessons start Monday.

Fishing with the Prez, Global Destruction, and the Ball that Wasn't a Ball

You may have noticed that April came and went with no "Fishing with the PreZ" posting. The reason for this is that we did not go fishing in April. Why? Because it snowed on April 4th, the very day that we were scheduled to go.

I guess we'll chalk that up to "Global Climate Change".

If you are as observant as I think you are, as you have been trained to be, and as you MUST be as a requirement to remain employed with us, then you have undoubtedly observed the recent change-o, change-o, re-arrange-o of the terminology used to describe Global Warming. It's no longer global warming. It's now "Global Climate Change". This is done to assure that the idea of human (read as: American) destruction of the planet remains a fear in the minds of the world populous despite evidence that the planet is now as cool as it was 100 years ago.

This reminds me of the Crock, Inc. ingenious technique of marketing it's products. Like when we came out with a round object filled with air. We first called it a "Ball", but when it was proven that it would not hold air, we began calling it a "Multi-use Ball-like Air Transport and Temporary Storage Device". It could be used as a ball for a while. The consumer could fill the product with air, dribble, roll, throw, toss, or kick it from one place to the other. All the while they were actually distributing the air from inside the product, at a very slow and completely safe rate, to other locations where that particular air did not used to be.

This goes to show that I totally understand the need to rename things to avoid criticism.

I digress. Back to the subject of us ugly American humans destroying the earth. Did you here what Bob Futz of General Motors said? He said that he thinks global warming is a Crock of sh*t. Hey Bob! Thanks for the plug!

Every opinion matters (if you agree with me). Discuss amongst yourselves.

Fishing with the Prez - Part 1

Each month, I choose the staff member who, in my opinion, has made the greatest positive impact on the company. It may be someone who has gone the extra mile, someone who had a great idea, someone who has improved upon a procedure, taken on extra responsibilities, or brought in doughnuts most frequently. The lucky winner gets to go on an all-day fishing trip with me.

This month I chose Blick Das Fensterwield (Supervisor of Curtains, Shades, Blinds, and Other Window Treatments*). Blick accomplished an extraordinary feat in the past month that "Blew my Mind". He rolled a company vehicle six times and walked away, unscathed. But wait! That's not the best part.....he manged to get an on-the spot out-of-court cash settlement from the guy who's lawn the vehicle landed in. Apparently, this guys lawn was encroaching upon an easement in violation of a city ordinance and he didn't want to get to police involved (in other words, his lawn was not supposed to be there). Blick was driving a company vehicle so obviously the company took the $14 million payoff.


Anyway, it was dawn on the lake when we eased my boat away from the launch ramp and headed out to relax, make idle chit-chat, and perhaps catch some fish. We motored across the lake to one of my favorite spots. I killed the motor and we coasted into a serene cove where a small feeder creek trickled in. The lake was glass. The air was crisp. I looked at Blick. Suddenly, before either of us had said a word, his pocket chirped, then beeped, and then played a few bars of "We Will Rock You" by Queen. He ignored it.

I looked at him and said, "What does all of that nonsense signify?"

He said, "I just received a text message and an email, and my Mom tried to call, but I didn't answer."


I said, "You set your Mom's ringtone as 'We will Rock You'?"


He said, "Yeah. Why not?"


I said, "Nevermind that. Am I paying for your phone?"


He said, "You reimburse me when I turn in the bill."


"So your Mom can call you?", I asked.


"Well", he stammered, "Not really.

"What does that mean?", I asked.

"Well," he replied. "You actually pay for it so that you can call me and I can call you."

I thought for a moment in silence, pissed that he may be right, and even pissed-er (more pissed)at this modern device. Then, another beep and two chirps from the pocket of Blick. "What now?" I asked.

"What? Oh that!", he said. "An email and two text messages."

Frustrated, I asked, "Were they all from me?"

"Well of course not!", Blick replied.

"Then give me your phone!", I demanded.

He did. It sailed about forty feet through the air and plopped into the lake.

"Hope it can swim too!", I said, rather proud of myself.

Blick had a slight mental breakdown and I had to subdue him. We didn't fish. We went home.

*Blick's Title may be confusing. I didn't want you to think that Crock, Inc. makes, sells, or repairs any kind of window treatments. We have nothing to do with them except for using them to...well...treat our windows, which is what Blick supervises.