The Significance of Snazzy Pens

I've been thinking lately about how important it is to have a nice pen. Not very. I have pondered this quite some time. As I have met with many powerful and influential people over the years, I have taken note of the pens they use. I have also met with many non-essential humans, such as those whom I would interview for various low-level positions here at Crock, Inc. As I reflect on this matter, I have found that the niceness of one's pen is inversely proportional to one's status in life.

Many times, when I meet with the powerful and influential, I see that they carry a standard Bic 2360 Model click pen, a Scripto 1400 capped ball-point, or other equivalent model. Blue or black ink, it's about 50-50. Sometimes they don't bring a pen at all.

When interviewing candidates for common-folk type positions within this company, I find that they always bring their own pen. Nine times out of ten it's black ink. These things are usually very shiny silver with special grips and explosion-proof technology. I find that interesting.

Did you know that some of the richest people in the world carry handkerchiefs? This is weird. They actually blow their nose on a piece of cloth and then stuff it, snot and all, right back in their pockets. In this case, I wonder why they have ruled out the sleeve option. At least then, when the inter-pocket mingling happens, they wouldn't get snot on their cheap pens. I think that's why the commoners go with the sleeve, you know, because of the fancy pens.

I was also thinking that paper clips are funny. Somewhere, someone owns a business making these things. And staples! What about those? Imagine making staples for a living. I think a paperclip is just a less-permanent staple.

The other day I was talking with our rubber band sales guy and I found out something interesting; Did you know that the average commission on a rubber-band is half a cent per 100,000 units? I'm no mathematician, but how much do you think he takes home per year after taxes? I can't figure it out.

Someone needs to invent something to stop this fan from blowing the papers off of my desk.

I have a friend who's Unlce invented the little plastic tube things that they put on the end of shoelaces. He's a multi-millionaire and he writes with half of a broken crayon, light green.