Perhaps you will recall the job opening created a while back after Ghordo Whipple successfully navigated his way into my office without an appointment, but did not have as much success on the way out. If you don't remember, please review.
Finally, after hundreds of interviews, we have found our man. He possesses the exact skill set we were seeking in a replacement for Ghordo. He's reserved and a little creepy. He has the comb-over and a mustache. The lenses of his glasses are at least as thick as his eyebrows. His skin is shiny and he smells like pastrami and beer. He is a self-starter who is able to work unsupervised (although probably shouldn't). He is an accomplished trash sorter and a very talented broomsman.
Please join me in welcoming Mr. Reavis Cantalou, our new Coordinator of Sticky Removal. The Janitorial staff is now complete once again. I look forward to complete sticky abatement within the next week to ten days.
Showing posts with label Beer. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Beer. Show all posts
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Saturday, March 8, 2008
Advertising on the Moon?
This is what I'm talking about. I want to know who these guys use for an Ad Agency. I also want to know why our guys didn't come up with this. (Actually, I have an idea why but more on that later).
Imagine looking up at the moon and seeing the Rolling Rock logo. Can they do that? Let's not "mis-underestimate" them. At the very least let's have a plan in place to get a letter "C" in front of the word "rock".
We also need to start thinking outside the box about other advertising methods. The fact that this one slipped through does not bode well for the folks down in marketing.
Perhaps they are in need of a little beef. Or maybe we need to take a look at our hiring procedures. Our philosophy has always been "we'll take the people that no one else wants". It gives us a sense of security in that they can't really get another job anywhere else, therefore, reducing our turnover and strain on the training and HR departments. That still seems like a sound policy.
I'm just thinking out loud here, but maybe we need to start looking for some actual qualifications. I suggest we start hiring people who fit our pre-defined profile. I think our ideal candidate for a position in our marketing department would be someone with large ears (listening is so very important). The candidate should be a "dog person" who likes lima beans and is in favor of dentists. They should love peotry and long walks on the beach at sunset. A marketing degree is a plus, but not necessary (we can get any degree we need on Ebay). This position really requires someone who's eyes are too close together and who has mild dandruff. The person should have slender fingers and a fake tan (the reasons for this are obvious). If you know anyone who fits this profile, please send them our way.
If you can think of any other criteria that we should consider, let me know that as well. Stay tuned for information on the shake-up in the Marketing Department. There will be big news on this subject coming soon.
Imagine looking up at the moon and seeing the Rolling Rock logo. Can they do that? Let's not "mis-underestimate" them. At the very least let's have a plan in place to get a letter "C" in front of the word "rock".
We also need to start thinking outside the box about other advertising methods. The fact that this one slipped through does not bode well for the folks down in marketing.
Perhaps they are in need of a little beef. Or maybe we need to take a look at our hiring procedures. Our philosophy has always been "we'll take the people that no one else wants". It gives us a sense of security in that they can't really get another job anywhere else, therefore, reducing our turnover and strain on the training and HR departments. That still seems like a sound policy.
I'm just thinking out loud here, but maybe we need to start looking for some actual qualifications. I suggest we start hiring people who fit our pre-defined profile. I think our ideal candidate for a position in our marketing department would be someone with large ears (listening is so very important). The candidate should be a "dog person" who likes lima beans and is in favor of dentists. They should love peotry and long walks on the beach at sunset. A marketing degree is a plus, but not necessary (we can get any degree we need on Ebay). This position really requires someone who's eyes are too close together and who has mild dandruff. The person should have slender fingers and a fake tan (the reasons for this are obvious). If you know anyone who fits this profile, please send them our way.
If you can think of any other criteria that we should consider, let me know that as well. Stay tuned for information on the shake-up in the Marketing Department. There will be big news on this subject coming soon.
Monday, February 18, 2008
Samuel Adams was Drunk...we had words.
Dear Crock Family,
I write you today with a story. Within it, a lesson. Within that, an exagerated and sarcastic rant. And within that, a frothy goodness.
You see, for the past couple of months, beer brewers "have been facing an unprecidented hops shortage". Times have been tough in the beer brewing world (which we know and love). Small brewers just can't compete. As the price of good hops has increased, some of these small brewers have had to resort to drastic measures. Some have been forced to set up tents across the street from high schools and peddle their products. They can't afford to check IDs, and the prices, they're through the roof. Sources say a single 40oz. bottle of Natural light has been tagged at $10.00.
"Things were getting desperate and we had to make some difficult decisions", said Simon Birdwaiver, owner and brewmaster of Birdwaiver Brewery in Paducah Kentucky. "In the long run I think we'll be okay", he added, "but we just have to keep our fingers crossed. The police could show up at any minute."
Birdwaiver is one of a dozen or so brewers who have had to resort to tactics such as these just to remain afloat. The price of hops has skyrocketted due to the short supply and there has been no real sign of relief on the horizon. That is until now. Samuel Adams has ridden in on a white horse to bestow grace and tender kindness upon beerdom!! (See source, stumbled upon while browsing Digg).
Apparently, Boston Beer, brewers of Samual Adams, have decided to make some of their hops available to the open market. They say they will "sell" the hops to small craft brewers at cost.
....Wait a minute. That means no profit! Fools! Did the executive at Boston Beer spend a little too much time in the tasing room or what? I know this is probably going to shock some of you but, if a business does not make a profit,? I have nothing else. It just doesn't. What? Huh?
I know. It sort of leaves you at a loss for words doesn't it? That sha'nt be the case for long my friends. Inspired by the spirit of giving and Corporate kindness displayed by the fine folks (big hearts, small brains) at Boston Beer, we are going to "sell" you some of our stock of words. These are some which we will not be using anyway:
-Sauve (interchangable with Ointment, so take that too)
-Hamhock
-Prang
-Splenetic
-Cocksure
-anything in French, you can have the whole language
-Oleaginous
-Scooter
-John Edwards
-Moist
-Achy Breaky
-Fish Sauce
-Loddlebobdariferkishness (Actually, we'll keep that one. It's an original.)
Is that enough?
I write you today with a story. Within it, a lesson. Within that, an exagerated and sarcastic rant. And within that, a frothy goodness.
You see, for the past couple of months, beer brewers "have been facing an unprecidented hops shortage". Times have been tough in the beer brewing world (which we know and love). Small brewers just can't compete. As the price of good hops has increased, some of these small brewers have had to resort to drastic measures. Some have been forced to set up tents across the street from high schools and peddle their products. They can't afford to check IDs, and the prices, they're through the roof. Sources say a single 40oz. bottle of Natural light has been tagged at $10.00.
"Things were getting desperate and we had to make some difficult decisions", said Simon Birdwaiver, owner and brewmaster of Birdwaiver Brewery in Paducah Kentucky. "In the long run I think we'll be okay", he added, "but we just have to keep our fingers crossed. The police could show up at any minute."
Birdwaiver is one of a dozen or so brewers who have had to resort to tactics such as these just to remain afloat. The price of hops has skyrocketted due to the short supply and there has been no real sign of relief on the horizon. That is until now. Samuel Adams has ridden in on a white horse to bestow grace and tender kindness upon beerdom!! (See source, stumbled upon while browsing Digg).
Apparently, Boston Beer, brewers of Samual Adams, have decided to make some of their hops available to the open market. They say they will "sell" the hops to small craft brewers at cost.
....Wait a minute. That means no profit! Fools! Did the executive at Boston Beer spend a little too much time in the tasing room or what? I know this is probably going to shock some of you but, if a business does not make a profit,? I have nothing else. It just doesn't. What? Huh?
I know. It sort of leaves you at a loss for words doesn't it? That sha'nt be the case for long my friends. Inspired by the spirit of giving and Corporate kindness displayed by the fine folks (big hearts, small brains) at Boston Beer, we are going to "sell" you some of our stock of words. These are some which we will not be using anyway:
-Sauve (interchangable with Ointment, so take that too)
-Hamhock
-Prang
-Splenetic
-Cocksure
-anything in French, you can have the whole language
-Oleaginous
-Scooter
-John Edwards
-Moist
-Achy Breaky
-Fish Sauce
-Loddlebobdariferkishness (Actually, we'll keep that one. It's an original.)
Is that enough?
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