We've all been there. Those days when the weight of the world comes crashing down. Or maybe it just comes down in a slow drip, like water torture. First, work sucks. You realize you are completely surrounded by incompetence. Every cubicle you look in you find a well-dressed moron who probably gets paid more than you. Your boss probably asked you to do some ridiculous time-wasting task that doesn't fit your job description, like taking inventory of packing-peanuts when everyone knows that Rhonda Bluegums is supposed to handle that since her job title is Packing-Peanut and Bubble Wrap Inventory Manager.
Then, it starts to creep into your personal life. You spill your freshly poured java on what then becomes your freshly scalded crotch and your freshly stained pants. Of course, you didn't bring another pair of pants! Who carries extra pants around? So, instead of going directly to the bar after work, you try to run into a clothing store and buy some new pants but they only have the stupid kind with pleats. You decide pleats are better than a massive crotch stain so you buy them. You get a speeding ticket on the way to the bar, you have a dozen too many, puke on three of the four bikers in the room, get beat to a pulp, put in a cab, and you wake up in a basement of some house where there is an excessive amount of mason jars with some type of organic and permanently preserved materials in them.....and your stupid pleated pants are nowhere to be found.
How do you stay positive when this is how life treats you? Here are six things that will help your day go better and possibly help others in the process:
1) Sing your thoughts. That's right. Whatever you are thinking, sing it....out loud. But pick a cheery tune. Let's say your thinking "Rob Dollman is a horses ass". You could set it to the tune of the Green Acres theme. It'll be contagious and before you know it, the whole office will be singing it. Maybe even Rob Dollman.
2) Flip off things. Inanimate objects. Even if they did nothing to you. Don't let anyone see you do it. This one is just for you. It'll make you feel better so the next four suggestions will have better results.
3) Double Negatives. When something negative happens (and it always does), double down on it. Let's say your computer crashed and you lost half-a-day's work. Go tell your boss that you were almost done with the useless report he asked for when your computer exploded, sent shrapnel though the office killing Daryl Colby and setting the office ablaze. Once he finds out the truth, it won't seem so bad.
4) Bring up the past. People love it when you remind them of their mistakes. If you mess up and Bob from accounts payable gives you shit just remind him of the time he forgot to take his inflatable "friend" out of his car before pulling in the garage. Remind him that you still have the surveillance video. It will lighten the mood quickly.
5) All the cool kids are doing it. If you see a coworker struggling, struggle worse. For example; JoAnn is looking in the top drawer of a filing cabinet but pulls it out too far and the cabinet tips over with a crash. Make her feel better by charging the bank of filing cabinets in a dead sprint and smashing into them. Knock them all down. If they won't fall, rip out the drawers and throw them around the place. Make a huge mess. Encourage others to join the rampage. JoAnn will feel better. Make her clean it up. She started it.
6) Scape-elephant. Place a statue of an animal, it doesn't matter what animal, on your desk. For the purposes of this purpose, let's use a statue of an elephant. Now, every time something bad happens, blame the elephant. The shipment didn't go out on time? The elephant fell asleep. Payroll didn't go out? The elephant forgot. Admonish the elephant. Scold it publicly. Really dive in. Yell and scream. Threaten it. Take away television privileges, make it stand in a corner, stab it repeatedly with a letter opener, throw it in the trash and light it on fire. We're not sure how this helps, but it does.
Showing posts with label Acts of Kindness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Acts of Kindness. Show all posts
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
Saturday, September 5, 2009
Guns: Great for Killing People, But Do They Have Other Uses?
Surprisingly, the answer is "YES".
While we all know that the main purpose of a gun is to kill people, there are some other uses that may not come easily to mind when the subject (of guns, or killing people) arises at the water cooler. In the interest of saving lives, I would like to pass along some of these uses.
Among the secondary purposes for firearms, I am the most partial to "Brandishing". In case you are not familiar with the term, brandishing in the sense used here, is when a firearm is handled in a conspicuous manor, allowing all within eyesight to know of it's presence and subsequently feel intimidation as intended. Generally, when this technique is used, the gun's primary use becomes unnecessary. Sometimes, you may need to add a verbal compliment to brandishing activity in order to obtain the full effect. I suggest shouting phrases like; "Everyone down on the floor now or I'll remind you what this thing is for!", or " I'm not sure if you are aware but this is a gun and it's normally used to kill people!"(actually, the second one saves a step due to the fact that you have in fact already reminded them what a gun is for).
Another oft overlooked use for a gun is "pistol whipping". This is an activity akin to "bitch-slapping" where the gun is held in hand whilst that hand is wreaking havoc upon a persons face, head, neck, ribcage, and/or back. Believe it or not, this works with a rifle or shotgun as well. Normally, the victim of a "pistol-whippin'" will fall to the ground immediately (sometimes they will say "ouch dude!") and killing them will not be necessary.
Although there are many more uses for guns, I will offer this final activity; paperweighting. I prefer the 45 caliber handgun for this. It will certainly hold the papers in place under most circumstances and it is small enough to allow you to see the papers underneath. This is actually a dual-purpose purpose for a gun. While the gun is holding your important documents firmly on your desk amidst the relentless ceiling-fan-force gale, it is also being brandished. Believe me, every visitor to your office will notice the weapon and, in most cases, they won't make you kill them with it. Granted, there will be the occasional curious soul who asks, "Is that real?". When this happens, try adding the verbal compliments suggested above. If that fails to satisfy the curiosity, I suggest moving immediately to pistol-whipping.
I hope this article has given you some things to think about. Perhaps you can even come up with your own ways to use your gun that does not require killing people. If I've saved one life by writing this, it was well worth the effort. If I've saved three lives, I'm money ahead. If I've saved more than three lives, well, then I will erect a monument to myself right next to the other monument to me in the front lawn of the HZ. (Stay tuned to this blog if you don't know what HZ means). Please, don't send me ideas like; hunting, or target practice. These activities fell out of favor around the time of the great east-coast-rappers vs. west-coast-rappers war that claimed the lives of Tupac and Biggie.
While we all know that the main purpose of a gun is to kill people, there are some other uses that may not come easily to mind when the subject (of guns, or killing people) arises at the water cooler. In the interest of saving lives, I would like to pass along some of these uses.
Among the secondary purposes for firearms, I am the most partial to "Brandishing". In case you are not familiar with the term, brandishing in the sense used here, is when a firearm is handled in a conspicuous manor, allowing all within eyesight to know of it's presence and subsequently feel intimidation as intended. Generally, when this technique is used, the gun's primary use becomes unnecessary. Sometimes, you may need to add a verbal compliment to brandishing activity in order to obtain the full effect. I suggest shouting phrases like; "Everyone down on the floor now or I'll remind you what this thing is for!", or " I'm not sure if you are aware but this is a gun and it's normally used to kill people!"(actually, the second one saves a step due to the fact that you have in fact already reminded them what a gun is for).
Another oft overlooked use for a gun is "pistol whipping". This is an activity akin to "bitch-slapping" where the gun is held in hand whilst that hand is wreaking havoc upon a persons face, head, neck, ribcage, and/or back. Believe it or not, this works with a rifle or shotgun as well. Normally, the victim of a "pistol-whippin'" will fall to the ground immediately (sometimes they will say "ouch dude!") and killing them will not be necessary.
Although there are many more uses for guns, I will offer this final activity; paperweighting. I prefer the 45 caliber handgun for this. It will certainly hold the papers in place under most circumstances and it is small enough to allow you to see the papers underneath. This is actually a dual-purpose purpose for a gun. While the gun is holding your important documents firmly on your desk amidst the relentless ceiling-fan-force gale, it is also being brandished. Believe me, every visitor to your office will notice the weapon and, in most cases, they won't make you kill them with it. Granted, there will be the occasional curious soul who asks, "Is that real?". When this happens, try adding the verbal compliments suggested above. If that fails to satisfy the curiosity, I suggest moving immediately to pistol-whipping.
I hope this article has given you some things to think about. Perhaps you can even come up with your own ways to use your gun that does not require killing people. If I've saved one life by writing this, it was well worth the effort. If I've saved three lives, I'm money ahead. If I've saved more than three lives, well, then I will erect a monument to myself right next to the other monument to me in the front lawn of the HZ. (Stay tuned to this blog if you don't know what HZ means). Please, don't send me ideas like; hunting, or target practice. These activities fell out of favor around the time of the great east-coast-rappers vs. west-coast-rappers war that claimed the lives of Tupac and Biggie.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Secure the Northern Border First - If the Geese are any Indication
Perhaps you've heard, a couple of Geese tried to assassinate everyone aboard an Airbus A320 leaving Laguardia Airport on Thursday. They failed, thanks to the pilot's mad skills.
Despite what you might think, the Mexicans were not involved. I know it's hard to believe, but these were Canadian Geese. Canadians, especially the French ones, have never been known for their bravery or selfless acts. But these geese apparently had a mission, one that they knew would ultimately lead to their death. Nevertheless they gave their lives in an attempt to kill the passengers of the jet. That's not to say that the geese are to be heralded as heros. On the contrary. This was a cowardly act that deserves our immediate response.
I have ordered our defense contracting division to re-calibrate the existing secret missile defense system in conjunction with the Distant Early Warning (DEW) radar and satellite network watching the skies over the Canadian border. The re-calibration will allow the early detection and elimination of migratory birds and other flying organisms as they cross our Northern border, allowing the prompt destruction of such airborne enemies.
We must act. These were just geese. If a goose or two can bring down a jet, imagine the damage a flying Canadian human could do. It's almost unthinkable. Picture their flailing bodies plummeting from the skies and throwing themselves into jet engines, or worse, buildings. We must pre-empt this pending attack. I am prepared to do what it takes. Are you with me?
Despite what you might think, the Mexicans were not involved. I know it's hard to believe, but these were Canadian Geese. Canadians, especially the French ones, have never been known for their bravery or selfless acts. But these geese apparently had a mission, one that they knew would ultimately lead to their death. Nevertheless they gave their lives in an attempt to kill the passengers of the jet. That's not to say that the geese are to be heralded as heros. On the contrary. This was a cowardly act that deserves our immediate response.
I have ordered our defense contracting division to re-calibrate the existing secret missile defense system in conjunction with the Distant Early Warning (DEW) radar and satellite network watching the skies over the Canadian border. The re-calibration will allow the early detection and elimination of migratory birds and other flying organisms as they cross our Northern border, allowing the prompt destruction of such airborne enemies.
We must act. These were just geese. If a goose or two can bring down a jet, imagine the damage a flying Canadian human could do. It's almost unthinkable. Picture their flailing bodies plummeting from the skies and throwing themselves into jet engines, or worse, buildings. We must pre-empt this pending attack. I am prepared to do what it takes. Are you with me?
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Road Kill: Survival of the Fittest or Revival of the Mammoth?
We're not all about the profits here at Crock, Inc. We do believe in being good stewards of the earth. We, like you, are very concerned with the health of the environment and the well-being of our animal friends with whom we share our planet.
For the past seven years our research and destruction team has been researching the destruction of armadillo along Missouri roadways. Their findings may surprise you. Well, let's be honest. The bulk of you may be surprised to learn that there are armadillos to destroy along Missouri roadways. I was shocked too.
It is true. The mid-western roadways of the central portion of eastern Missouri do indeed run through armadillo territory. No one can say for certain which came first. Some evidence suggests that these lovable armored creatures may have migrated here after the industrial revolution of the central portion of eastern Missouri (1992). At any rate, during the seven year study, the frequency of armadillo road kill incidents increased from 4 in 2001 to more than 400 in 2008. That's like a million percent increase or something.
The evidence overwhelmingly points to a healthy and thriving population of armadillos in this region. Though it may also simultaneously suggest too yet as well that these creatures suck at crossing the road, it nevertheless proves that the armadillo population is on the rise.
Or does it mean that there is more traffic now? Or does it mean that evil operatives have been targeting these animals with their automobiles? The study didn't really take it into account. Actually, we ended the study after one Crock researcher and destructor made a very valid point.
He asked, "Over the past seven years, how many Woolly Mammoth carcasses have been discovered slain by vehicles along the mid-western roadways of the central portion of eastern Missouri?"
Of course, the answer is; none. He continued, "If we found a fresh woolly mammoth road kill today in this area, wouldn't it indicate that the woolly mammoth population must have been greater than we thought prior to the road kill?"
Considering that we were 100% certain that there were zero mammoth left, we had to agree. Study complete.
What did we learn? If we all pitch in and help, we truly can make a difference. The planet needs you. You can start today. Please join Crock, Inc. in conjunction with The National Society of Crazies to help, not just armadillos, but squirrels, opossum, peacock, ostrich, and even woolly mammoth co-exist and thrive in a world of fast-moving automobiles. Here's how you can help:
When you're out driving around in your SUV for no good reason, look for opportunities. Each time you see an animal cross the road, consider speeding up and hitting the creature. Imagine the possibilities? If you hit enough of a certain species, you will (as proven by our seven year study) increase the known population of that particular species. Remember, if you run down just one woolly mammoth, you will have single-handedly brought back these majestic and docile mammals from extinction.
Please visit The NSC website for more information.
For the past seven years our research and destruction team has been researching the destruction of armadillo along Missouri roadways. Their findings may surprise you. Well, let's be honest. The bulk of you may be surprised to learn that there are armadillos to destroy along Missouri roadways. I was shocked too.
It is true. The mid-western roadways of the central portion of eastern Missouri do indeed run through armadillo territory. No one can say for certain which came first. Some evidence suggests that these lovable armored creatures may have migrated here after the industrial revolution of the central portion of eastern Missouri (1992). At any rate, during the seven year study, the frequency of armadillo road kill incidents increased from 4 in 2001 to more than 400 in 2008. That's like a million percent increase or something.
The evidence overwhelmingly points to a healthy and thriving population of armadillos in this region. Though it may also simultaneously suggest too yet as well that these creatures suck at crossing the road, it nevertheless proves that the armadillo population is on the rise.
Or does it mean that there is more traffic now? Or does it mean that evil operatives have been targeting these animals with their automobiles? The study didn't really take it into account. Actually, we ended the study after one Crock researcher and destructor made a very valid point.
He asked, "Over the past seven years, how many Woolly Mammoth carcasses have been discovered slain by vehicles along the mid-western roadways of the central portion of eastern Missouri?"
Of course, the answer is; none. He continued, "If we found a fresh woolly mammoth road kill today in this area, wouldn't it indicate that the woolly mammoth population must have been greater than we thought prior to the road kill?"
Considering that we were 100% certain that there were zero mammoth left, we had to agree. Study complete.
What did we learn? If we all pitch in and help, we truly can make a difference. The planet needs you. You can start today. Please join Crock, Inc. in conjunction with The National Society of Crazies to help, not just armadillos, but squirrels, opossum, peacock, ostrich, and even woolly mammoth co-exist and thrive in a world of fast-moving automobiles. Here's how you can help:
When you're out driving around in your SUV for no good reason, look for opportunities. Each time you see an animal cross the road, consider speeding up and hitting the creature. Imagine the possibilities? If you hit enough of a certain species, you will (as proven by our seven year study) increase the known population of that particular species. Remember, if you run down just one woolly mammoth, you will have single-handedly brought back these majestic and docile mammals from extinction.
Please visit The NSC website for more information.
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
A Burrito Away from Catastrophe - How One Woman Saved Monday
Please join me in thanking Janice "Boobs" Malone for her outstanding contribution to the company, her out-of-the-box thinking, and her clever use of common household items for the betterment of the work-environment.
Before I explain the thank-worthy action that Boobs selflessly executed, allow me to lay some groundwork. You see, yesterday was Monday. As you know, scientifically speaking, Monday is the longest day of the week. I think it's like 46 hours and 22 minutes long or something like that. This long day, coupled with the effects of returning from a two-day break known as a "weekend", can often times cause the atmosphere around the office to be sort of dull, ho-hum, pissy, or otherwise unbearable.
While we're coupling things, let's take the two items coupled above, after having coupled them into one, and couple that with the fact that there are so many assholes working here. In many, all this coupling can cause depression, rage, anxiety, boredom, tension, the feeling that your reason for living is gone (not to mention scurvy). But not Janice.
She had a plan. Yesterday, about 23 hours into the first Monday of the week, she executed this plan flawlessly. Everyone in the office, nay, the building got the chance to break out of that Monday rut. They were forced to drop what they were doing and stand up, stretch, and go outside for some fresh air. If the truth be known, the plan that Janice devised and acted out actually saved lives. Nerpert in the IT Department confided in me that he was about go on a machete-wielding rampage throughout the place before his psychopathic trance was broken by Janice's brilliant effort.
Here's how Janice "Boobs" Malone, Vice-President of Arts, Crafts, and Taste Bud Manipulation, saved lives, revived us all, and made the CNN news ticker:
Around lunchtime (23 o'clock pm), Janice went to the breakroom. She removed her lunch sack from the refrigerator, took out a single microwaveable burrito - bean and cheese I think. She placed the burrito on a decorative paper plate - a nice plaid pattern in shades of brown. She put the burrito/plate combo into the microwave, closed the door, and set it for 13 minutes. She then walked calmly out of the breakroom, down the hall, out the office doors- down the stairs and into the parking lot where she stood and waited. She was hardly able to contain her excitement. She did the best she could, making small-talk with Tammy Gingerale from Inspections.
It wasn't long before she realized that her plan had worked. As the door to the stairwell opened and people began pouring out, she could clearly hear the sound of the fire alarm sirens wailing. As the building occupants emptied onto the parking lot, she managed to keep her cool, asking other co-workers if they set off the alarm.
Eventually, the fire department showed up and found the culprit. The evidence was there; one severely charred, hollowed-out burrito-shaped device on a burned up plaid paper plate in shades of brown, and now black. Janice finally claimed responsibility, but she did a fine job of acting surprised and embarrassed to keep up the act.
After an hour or so, everyone was allowed to return to work, but not before the realization that they were living the most memorable Monday of their lives. Today, they are still talking about it. Knowing what I know now, I realize that her actions quite possibly saved my life and many others. Janice just smiles.
Thanks Boobs.
Before I explain the thank-worthy action that Boobs selflessly executed, allow me to lay some groundwork. You see, yesterday was Monday. As you know, scientifically speaking, Monday is the longest day of the week. I think it's like 46 hours and 22 minutes long or something like that. This long day, coupled with the effects of returning from a two-day break known as a "weekend", can often times cause the atmosphere around the office to be sort of dull, ho-hum, pissy, or otherwise unbearable.
While we're coupling things, let's take the two items coupled above, after having coupled them into one, and couple that with the fact that there are so many assholes working here. In many, all this coupling can cause depression, rage, anxiety, boredom, tension, the feeling that your reason for living is gone (not to mention scurvy). But not Janice.
She had a plan. Yesterday, about 23 hours into the first Monday of the week, she executed this plan flawlessly. Everyone in the office, nay, the building got the chance to break out of that Monday rut. They were forced to drop what they were doing and stand up, stretch, and go outside for some fresh air. If the truth be known, the plan that Janice devised and acted out actually saved lives. Nerpert in the IT Department confided in me that he was about go on a machete-wielding rampage throughout the place before his psychopathic trance was broken by Janice's brilliant effort.
Here's how Janice "Boobs" Malone, Vice-President of Arts, Crafts, and Taste Bud Manipulation, saved lives, revived us all, and made the CNN news ticker:
Around lunchtime (23 o'clock pm), Janice went to the breakroom. She removed her lunch sack from the refrigerator, took out a single microwaveable burrito - bean and cheese I think. She placed the burrito on a decorative paper plate - a nice plaid pattern in shades of brown. She put the burrito/plate combo into the microwave, closed the door, and set it for 13 minutes. She then walked calmly out of the breakroom, down the hall, out the office doors- down the stairs and into the parking lot where she stood and waited. She was hardly able to contain her excitement. She did the best she could, making small-talk with Tammy Gingerale from Inspections.
It wasn't long before she realized that her plan had worked. As the door to the stairwell opened and people began pouring out, she could clearly hear the sound of the fire alarm sirens wailing. As the building occupants emptied onto the parking lot, she managed to keep her cool, asking other co-workers if they set off the alarm.
Eventually, the fire department showed up and found the culprit. The evidence was there; one severely charred, hollowed-out burrito-shaped device on a burned up plaid paper plate in shades of brown, and now black. Janice finally claimed responsibility, but she did a fine job of acting surprised and embarrassed to keep up the act.
After an hour or so, everyone was allowed to return to work, but not before the realization that they were living the most memorable Monday of their lives. Today, they are still talking about it. Knowing what I know now, I realize that her actions quite possibly saved my life and many others. Janice just smiles.
Thanks Boobs.
Monday, February 18, 2008
Samuel Adams was Drunk...we had words.
Dear Crock Family,
I write you today with a story. Within it, a lesson. Within that, an exagerated and sarcastic rant. And within that, a frothy goodness.
You see, for the past couple of months, beer brewers "have been facing an unprecidented hops shortage". Times have been tough in the beer brewing world (which we know and love). Small brewers just can't compete. As the price of good hops has increased, some of these small brewers have had to resort to drastic measures. Some have been forced to set up tents across the street from high schools and peddle their products. They can't afford to check IDs, and the prices, they're through the roof. Sources say a single 40oz. bottle of Natural light has been tagged at $10.00.
"Things were getting desperate and we had to make some difficult decisions", said Simon Birdwaiver, owner and brewmaster of Birdwaiver Brewery in Paducah Kentucky. "In the long run I think we'll be okay", he added, "but we just have to keep our fingers crossed. The police could show up at any minute."
Birdwaiver is one of a dozen or so brewers who have had to resort to tactics such as these just to remain afloat. The price of hops has skyrocketted due to the short supply and there has been no real sign of relief on the horizon. That is until now. Samuel Adams has ridden in on a white horse to bestow grace and tender kindness upon beerdom!! (See source, stumbled upon while browsing Digg).
Apparently, Boston Beer, brewers of Samual Adams, have decided to make some of their hops available to the open market. They say they will "sell" the hops to small craft brewers at cost.
....Wait a minute. That means no profit! Fools! Did the executive at Boston Beer spend a little too much time in the tasing room or what? I know this is probably going to shock some of you but, if a business does not make a profit,? I have nothing else. It just doesn't. What? Huh?
I know. It sort of leaves you at a loss for words doesn't it? That sha'nt be the case for long my friends. Inspired by the spirit of giving and Corporate kindness displayed by the fine folks (big hearts, small brains) at Boston Beer, we are going to "sell" you some of our stock of words. These are some which we will not be using anyway:
-Sauve (interchangable with Ointment, so take that too)
-Hamhock
-Prang
-Splenetic
-Cocksure
-anything in French, you can have the whole language
-Oleaginous
-Scooter
-John Edwards
-Moist
-Achy Breaky
-Fish Sauce
-Loddlebobdariferkishness (Actually, we'll keep that one. It's an original.)
Is that enough?
I write you today with a story. Within it, a lesson. Within that, an exagerated and sarcastic rant. And within that, a frothy goodness.
You see, for the past couple of months, beer brewers "have been facing an unprecidented hops shortage". Times have been tough in the beer brewing world (which we know and love). Small brewers just can't compete. As the price of good hops has increased, some of these small brewers have had to resort to drastic measures. Some have been forced to set up tents across the street from high schools and peddle their products. They can't afford to check IDs, and the prices, they're through the roof. Sources say a single 40oz. bottle of Natural light has been tagged at $10.00.
"Things were getting desperate and we had to make some difficult decisions", said Simon Birdwaiver, owner and brewmaster of Birdwaiver Brewery in Paducah Kentucky. "In the long run I think we'll be okay", he added, "but we just have to keep our fingers crossed. The police could show up at any minute."
Birdwaiver is one of a dozen or so brewers who have had to resort to tactics such as these just to remain afloat. The price of hops has skyrocketted due to the short supply and there has been no real sign of relief on the horizon. That is until now. Samuel Adams has ridden in on a white horse to bestow grace and tender kindness upon beerdom!! (See source, stumbled upon while browsing Digg).
Apparently, Boston Beer, brewers of Samual Adams, have decided to make some of their hops available to the open market. They say they will "sell" the hops to small craft brewers at cost.
....Wait a minute. That means no profit! Fools! Did the executive at Boston Beer spend a little too much time in the tasing room or what? I know this is probably going to shock some of you but, if a business does not make a profit,? I have nothing else. It just doesn't. What? Huh?
I know. It sort of leaves you at a loss for words doesn't it? That sha'nt be the case for long my friends. Inspired by the spirit of giving and Corporate kindness displayed by the fine folks (big hearts, small brains) at Boston Beer, we are going to "sell" you some of our stock of words. These are some which we will not be using anyway:
-Sauve (interchangable with Ointment, so take that too)
-Hamhock
-Prang
-Splenetic
-Cocksure
-anything in French, you can have the whole language
-Oleaginous
-Scooter
-John Edwards
-Moist
-Achy Breaky
-Fish Sauce
-Loddlebobdariferkishness (Actually, we'll keep that one. It's an original.)
Is that enough?
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