We Now Support The National Society of Crazies

Crock, Inc. is now a proud sponsor of the National Society for Crazies.

The NSC is a wonderful organization who strive to help those who can't behave themselves, the "Crazies". They defend the crazies from discrimination and persecution at the hands of the "Normals".

Those of you who are already members known the benefits. Being a part of this organization brings together those of us who may be considered a little "off" in the eyes of the Normals. It gives us an outlet for our unusual antics. It gives us an identity. We can now say with pride, "I AM A CRAZY!!"

Visit the NSC website for more information and to apply for membership.

Low-Hanging Chandaliers (and Other Problems Pygmies Don't Have)

I have this chandelier in my office. It was given to me by Robert Mugabe, the President of Zimbabwe in 1991 as a token of his appreciation for my contribution of clean socks to be worn by Amos Midzi, his Minister of Mines. (Amos hadn't changed socks for like three days). It is a truly magnificent addition to the decor of the office. There's just the one problem; I keep knocking myself senseless while jazzercizing my way around the room when on the phone (some people pace, I jazzercize).

Earlier today, when I bipped my forehead on the thing again, a thought occurred to me. I bet the Pygmy People never had this problem.

I intercommed Sue and had her check the database to see if we have any Pygmies working for us. I wanted to speak directly to a real live Pygmy and find out. Call it a little social experiment of my own. I have a theory that being a Pygmy has many benefits that are often overlooked in the debate about Pygmy equality. Our politicians and civil-rights leaders will never admit that Pygmies don't bump their heads on low-hanging chandeliers. They won't admit that being able to pass ones self off as a hobbit has great advantages. (Like second breakfasts). You won't hear them tell you that pygmies get most of their meals off of the kids menu and get in free to many places when they hang out with the "tall people". Plus, I've tried, I can't pull off the Sour Patch Kids routine, but I bet a Pygmy could!





Getting carded for cigarettes (most pygmies are smokers) and not being able to get on some amusement park rides can't be all that bad. They can squeeze themselves into the smallest of spaces, which is useful in rescuing rescue dogs who get stuck in small spaces where regular-sized people have gotten stuck and are in need of rescue. Also, they get to go through life with an excuse for sub-par performance , what with the tiny brains and all.

Anyway, Sue found that we have not had a Pygmy associate since records have been kept. Hopefully we are not in violation of any affirmative action laws. I may never be able to prove my theory. Who knows?

But I did find this information.

At Our Picnic, You Get to Pick

It's company picnic season again. Not only can you choose Hot Dogs or Hamburgers, Cole Slaw or Potato Salad, to drink yourself silly or not, this year we thought we'd allow you to decide what entertainment you want at the picnic. Last year, the Juggling Bears were not a hit. I would have expected better, after all, I won their appearance in a radio contest. Who Knew?

The picnic this year will be different. You can choose from any of the wonderful entertainers currently signed to our talent management division. The appropriate choices are listed below. You may place your vote by commenting to this post or emailing me.

Salmonella and the Raisinettes
Janet Hortburn and the Steel Back Plates (Accompanied by Marthmouth the Extreme Dogsex’r)
Aged Cheddar and the Smoked Gouda Wheels
Nine Tenths of a Four Pound Midget
Peanut Butter Bob's Honey Roasted Rat Terrier Band
The Whistlepiss Comedy Revue
People with Bad Posture - A Living Sculpture
Randy the Great
The Alabama Bubble-Blowers Present: Many Varieties of Bubble Sizes
Fattie Pimpleface - Motivational Speaker
The Decapitated Kitten Family of Sesame Street
Tea Baggers United
Led Zeppelin
My Friend Clernce (That's not the name of the act, it's actually a friend of mine who's name is Clernce)
Sewage is Delicious - Advice for Recycling, Brought to you by Al Gore
Robert G. Forearm, Star of the hit Reality Series "The Prostate Examiner"
Tony Danza
The Inanimate Glob of Beef
Fish McGinty and the Worcestershire Sauce All-Stars
The Boyz From Jackson Hole Y'all
Hide and Disappear - The Invisible Dueling Magicians
The Company Picnic Destroyers
The Juggling Bears

We Will Not Negotiate with Pirates

In these crazy times we live in, I feel it necessary to repeat the long-standing Crock policy: Attention Pirates!! We will not negotiate with you. You can high jack our ships all you want. We're going to ignore you. Return from whence ye came. (Although we are intrigued by the live goats).

Yes readers, it is true. These people still exist. Check it out.

We used to think pirates were cool. "Ahoy there maties", we used to say. Now, we do not speak to them. They lost some of their mystique when they stared using speedboats and cellphones. The days of the eye-patch and peg-leg are long gone. We tend to agree with the guy in the CNN article who describes them as " "unsophisticated hoodlums" and "full of bluster and lies to make themselves look tougher than they were."

The whole pirate industry has gone to hell. It's nothing like the days when Flanksham ran things.

Fishing with the Prez, Global Destruction, and the Ball that Wasn't a Ball

You may have noticed that April came and went with no "Fishing with the PreZ" posting. The reason for this is that we did not go fishing in April. Why? Because it snowed on April 4th, the very day that we were scheduled to go.

I guess we'll chalk that up to "Global Climate Change".

If you are as observant as I think you are, as you have been trained to be, and as you MUST be as a requirement to remain employed with us, then you have undoubtedly observed the recent change-o, change-o, re-arrange-o of the terminology used to describe Global Warming. It's no longer global warming. It's now "Global Climate Change". This is done to assure that the idea of human (read as: American) destruction of the planet remains a fear in the minds of the world populous despite evidence that the planet is now as cool as it was 100 years ago.

This reminds me of the Crock, Inc. ingenious technique of marketing it's products. Like when we came out with a round object filled with air. We first called it a "Ball", but when it was proven that it would not hold air, we began calling it a "Multi-use Ball-like Air Transport and Temporary Storage Device". It could be used as a ball for a while. The consumer could fill the product with air, dribble, roll, throw, toss, or kick it from one place to the other. All the while they were actually distributing the air from inside the product, at a very slow and completely safe rate, to other locations where that particular air did not used to be.

This goes to show that I totally understand the need to rename things to avoid criticism.

I digress. Back to the subject of us ugly American humans destroying the earth. Did you here what Bob Futz of General Motors said? He said that he thinks global warming is a Crock of sh*t. Hey Bob! Thanks for the plug!

Every opinion matters (if you agree with me). Discuss amongst yourselves.